I don't know about you but I regularly mistype my password. And it's starting to bug me. Not the mistyping part; it's not knowing whose password I accidentally typed that is really eating away at me. I mean since I can't see the password, just those little ******, how the heck am I supposed to know what mistake I made? How can I correct myself if I can't see what I have done? It flies in the face of the entire self improvement industry that is a bedrock of our nation's financial system.

We Americans by nature are optimists. We have that can do spirit. Yes we can, you betcha, get her done, is our  motto. It's what E Pluribus Unum means. But these hidden passwords have become a threat to our nation's self esteem. Every time we screw up our password, we are rejected. And we don't even know why. Where is the justice in that? It is our constitutional right to face our accuser. Whom, for Gods' sake, have we offended? It is traumatizing in it's own way. We are like the puppy that has chewed the very expensive shoe. We have no concept of what we have done. We merely cower in the corner hoping it will all soon be better. 

What's even worse is that we could inadvertently have entered a very important, very sensitive, password. We could, without knowing it, enter the password to the Pentagon's top security computers. We could, for example, launch a nuclear strike against Azerbaijan, when all we really wanted to do was Tweet. No wonder I am losing sleep at night. 

And it's only getting worse as I get more passwords.  More passwords, more chances to really do some damage. My computer remembers some of my passwords, and I really appreciate the help, but some passwords are not to be shared. With anybody. That's where the threat really lies. Forget global warming folks, it's the unknown that's really scary.

Have you reached a certain point, or size, in your life, when you're finally ready to take steps to change your increasingly unwieldy situation, but you don't really want to put in too much effort? Or maybe you just don't feel like you have the time. I mean who does these days? Or is the idea of excessive sweating just not for you? Well, your troubles are over. Allow me to introduce you to a proven weight loss strategy guaranteed to shed a surprisingly large number of digits off your otherwise perfect form in a matter of moments. And this amazing technique will cost you literally nothing. It's so simple it's a wonder no one has come up with it before.

I bet you're skeptical. Anyone would be. Whoever heard of weight loss technique that doesn't require effort? A program where the weight just melts away without you having to change your behavior one iota. It's incredible I know but I can speak from personal experience that once I discovered the technique I lost an amazing 133 in seconds. And all it takes (can you believe this?) is a calculator. 

Yes friends, this scientifically significant technique for weight loss is so simple a child can do it. It's the miracle method nations all over the globe have used to reduce their collective mass. Are you ready to change your life? To take the steps to recapture the person you always knew you were meant to be?

Then convert to metric. I know it sounds crazy but billions have already discovered the incredible success of simply adopting the international standard for measurement. Not convinced? Let me explain. You see in our antiquated English system of measurement I weigh a hefty 235, give or take how much ice cream I have enjoyed in recent weeks. But with the wonderous Metric Reducing Plan^tm my mass is a mere 106.

You heard it folks. That's less then 50% of what I was prior to instituting The Plan^tm.  No heavy lifting, no strenuous workouts, no muss, no fuss. All you have to do is a little math, forget the units, and you're home free.

Not only does it work for your weight (mass actually) the metric system can increase your height ( I went from a paltry 6-4 to an impressive 193), up your speed (why drive at 60 when you could be driving at 100) and boil water faster saving untold energy (212 in English vs an energy efficient and very green 100 in metric). 

Its time to take hold of your life, stop the madness, and make the effortless change to build self esteem, increase social acceptance,  and take self deception to the next level. Good luck. I know you can do it.