My sister in law sent me an article about who the top ten ubersexuals in the world are. And guess what. I wasn’t on it. Which I assume is why she sent it to me. To rub my face in it, as it were.

If you’ve missed the boat on this latest trend let me explain. An ubersexual is a guy who is sensitive but wholly masculine, attracted to and attracting strong women. Not the kind of women in the muscle magazines. The kind that: run corporations, become senators, cure cancer. Bono was on it. Arnold Schwarzeneger was on it. Donald Trump was on it for God sakes. I, however, was not.

Now I consider myself a pretty sensitive guy. I mean I named my first CD Sentimental Fool. (It’s still for sale). Yet I was completely overlooked. Sure I’m not famous, I don’t have a hit single, I don’t have a wooden accent, and I certainly don’t wear a hairpiece. But despite these handicaps I know I should be on this list. So what I want you to do is to start a campaign to get me on this list. Right now you need to begin an email petition to see that justice is done. And you need to send letters to the appropriate authorities. I have provided a sample below. Feel free to add your own words to personalize it. That way when they start getting inundated with thousands of letters it won’t look like I put you up to it.

Dear Sirs or Madams,

I am writing to ask you to correct the gross injustice you committed by leaving Scott Shipley off the top 10 ubersexuals of 2005 list. Clearly no one deserves to be on this list more than Mr. Shipley. After all he named his first CD, Sentimental Fool, which is on sale I might add. Please in the name of all that is good and fair, place Mr. Shipley on your forthcoming list of ubersexuals. Thank you for your consideration in this matter.

Your Name Here.